Partnerschaften

Bram schreibt:
We all are looking for our "other half" - some a lifetime, others in one single relationship. Our entire being is out to get from others whats missing in ourselfes. That means, every one of us has such high expectaions of the OTHER - nobody but nobody can fulfill it. Meaning that in a partnership both are in constant search to get from the other whats missing in ones self. That must be destined to doom. Guilt feelings are mostly the result of that which have to be compensated with throwing guilt on the other. This is the darkest picture thrown at the wall.

As far as "Geschlechterverteilung" or who is the strongest: My experience during a long relationship, this is subject to change at all times. Going thru trials and tribulations, in a healthy relationship this will also be accepted, though very often not without a fight - normal if you allow both of the partners to evolve. Ideally strength is equal at all times but thats rarely the case.

But the real challenge is in a relationship to recognize: I create my own reality. The responsibility for a healthy and happy life is MY OWN . I can not make it dependent from the other. We all have the tendency to say: if the partner just would be a little more like that or that or if circumstances would just be a little different, I would be happy. This of course is shitty because: I had my part in it and its development. To recognize that fully is mostly very painful but a start to look at things differently. To say that the partner pushed me in a position or direction is saying I AM POWERLESS and who wants that? I think most everyone has gone thru that kind of accusation. Children is another subject. We have them, love them and raise them and while we do that, we have a certain power over them. Then comes the "Abnabelung" and we have to let them go (we lose power over them). This hurts plenty - we dont mean as much to them any longer - they start to have their own ideas - our words dont mean much any more ( we only want the best for them). You think about things you could have done better with your kids, all the things you did wrong where you might have stifled them (guilt) and the kids help you right along with this kind of believe at this particular "Abnabelung" situation. At one point you have to come to the conclusion, that within your own stage of development, you have done the best you could and its now the turn of your offspring to accept responsibily for their own development.

This will take a bit but just TRUST because you love them and you did your best. AND you just have to let them go -you never stop loving them - BUT YOU HAVE to let your EXPECTATIOS go just as in any other relationship.

Thats what I believe is the lesson in our life: I create my OWN realty - I might be influenced and I influence but in the end each of us is responsible for the development and "Gestaltung" of our life. This is the real power we hold it in our hands NOT to delegate it to the other people in our lifes. If that sounds to abstract, the small steps in life show that its possible. If we wake up in the morning with that terrible feeling whats expected of us today, we lost already. What do I want of this day and how do I reach it with that feeling "I´ve earned a beautiful day", letting yourself be as you are and the other one, too without a hurt feeling and still have a beautiful day - letting go of expecting from others and not submitting to other expectations is POWER -
So maybe we get there still in this life?

Also my belief is: You have to let kids go but energetically you will always be part of them and they of you. Other partnerships which have ended, must be ended ALSO energetically. That means we have to let go of all aspects in the past - lovingly (preferrably without bad feelings (accomplished in time if you take responsibility for your own part in the situation)) but CLEAR CUT and OFFICIALLY. If that means you have to give up everything you worked and can show for in all those years, do it because energetically it also belongs to the past and should not stick to you as it hinders your present and future. Done officially it also sets a mark where everybody concerned knows where they stand and can go on with their lives - nobody is glued to the other any longer.

Bram