Samstag, September 30, 2017

Thoughts on a Friday evening after three years of not writing at all

The morning commute into uncertainty as of what is coming next is a scary but refreshing experience! It allows to let go of common doing and accept that you do not have to be in control. While listening to music, the Pacific to the right and the glooming sunrise warming my face, I have a lot of time to think about things. Accepting though the new new is an obstacle which still needs to be fully conquered. The older you get, the more you have burned a certain theme into yourself. Knowing what will come is a curse especially when you want to let go and experience the “wow” factor of the unexpected. I have been growing up in an environment which was not allows the easiest and for sure I have not made it easier by far. I had to adapt and define myself early. I have been criticized to have bonded to characters which where not of value to me, this though is not true as of one of the resulting, I have four children which I deeply love and now by age, experience their own path while have INC their own children. All what I have done was within a certain frame work. The path I needed to go to achieve what I had to achieve. Yes, it was clear that the one or other path will never be sustainable but that they would be a path of definition as where it should go next. As another I have been in the dark and shady and it brought me the experience of that pain is half as bad if it happens for a reason. I know that I am still steering in the right direction and that I am surrounded by a supporting wife and three younger children. Therefore the question where the path shall end wants to be answered or in contrary an unexpected “wow” shall take over. Yes, this is the the real question and my thoughts are currently surrounded by it. I have dedicated myself to the other persons following me since I was legally enabled to drink beer, have worked my butt off to make some kind of career with the fear of not getting caught in the “Peters Principle”. Getting caught in the situation in which I would not have the appropriate answer to the questions. I never wanted to be rich with money but rich with experience. I never wanted to be a Genius but still be able to answer with a certain experienced logic and when wrong acknowledge that I just got a new view. What shall come next? I know what I want, but I still do not know how long it will take to overcome the inherent control freak in me to do these things as [disclaimer] I still have to work for money to support my family.

I need to work more for world peace! I promised myself that my kids shall never witness war and I failed miserably.
I need to learn to accept love!
I need to accept that I am an artist and being an engineer is just a cover-up!

Freitag, September 30, 2016

coming nearer to the 50 mark and thinking

Wow has this been a life so far. I have given the 7 wonders each its own name.

Liza-Janine the Sister for all
Valerie-Charlott the peace maker and finder of the lost souls
Timothy-Maximilian the dreamer describing new ways
Benny the center of all
Quentin-Ilias the thinker striving for perfection
Isaiah-Quin the convincing open minded
Flora-Sophie the princess of hearts

Growing up in confused times where mother and father were on their own search as of where their own life should drive them. My father raised in a catholic 5 kids strong hostile environment with  each of them searching who is the better and stronger person. My mother being the single child of WWII survivors who was given all opportunities to do want she really wanted. Yes she might disagree with these terms but I knew and loved her father. He has seen a lot and has put his dreams aside to make so much happen. Well I believe I have learned more about freedom and dreams from my grandfather then from my own parents. My mother and father couldn't have been grown up much different to each other as they have. They though seem to have defined their median and lived it at best they could in which I took the one or other thought with me on my journey.

I remember several moments of mine in which I dreamed and formed my own world. The wish of being an astronaut because it is cool to discover things that others can't see or do not know how to do. The dream of removing hostility from Our World by providing each living creature the space, the food, the water on Our Earth they own by birth. The wish to travel the world and be a part of Our World learning what I do not know and educating the others as what they want to learn. Discover the undiscovered and share with dance and music.

Moving from the US to Germany in young years have formed me greatly as it gave me the time with my grandfather I otherwise would not have had. He lived next to his workplace and when my sister and I ran up the hill and got again caught by the stinging nettle we ran to his lab window and asked for help. He always responded to put water on it which was the worst idea ever. So what is to learn about this, first of all to say he would never put water on the stings but he gave us the opportunity to discover as what happens and then learn by doing. Yes it is something like to ask your kid to touch the hot stove and then let them decide if it was a good idea. Multiple times my grandfather encouraged me to do things and figure out. He was not the demanding type except he found it a necessary craft to learn to survive. Distinction in his message as example as I explained that I want to be out in the world and do things on my own. His reply, when you really want to live on your own and form a family be aware that you have the money for soap and tooth paste. Well that was honestly not my first thought but it gave me to understand the cross-function of things regardless how minor it seemed. To think things thru step by step and not to be afraid. Well I was a bad student at one time feeling encapsulated in a system of day in day out. By enforcing my laziness to the ridiculousness I have been then given an opportunity to go to another school which was the next milestone in my life. All of the sudden I was someone. Someone new, odd and now with kids exercising the first steps of independence. Some with success and some others struggling. The point to break out and enjoy the life to become a grown up man. Back in the mode of discovering and learning how it feels. Some stupid and disrespectful stuff I have done in that time. It showed me though who I am and what I really wanted. The dreams and wishes from the earlier time haven't changed. I never wanted to be a millionaire or such. I wanted a family, discover and share with dance and music. Which brings me to the point of explaining dance and music. My music teacher once said all tones are music, so words are music. That was it! Words, speaking and engaging with people and discover within the conversation. So what does dance then mean? In my interpretation it is the movement of the body in the rhythm of your surrounding music. Dancing thru the world with the music created. Conversation at any place, discovering the simple and learning the importance of the little details to over come. Am I a dreamer, hell no! I am a realist but with the knowledge that any progression has its start with a dream.

Samstag, April 12, 2014


Long time no update - ja wir sind in der 32SW. Ein Maedchen das den Haushalt hier in den USA kompletieren wird. Terminiert auf then 11.Juni. So innerhalb der naechsten Wochen ist noch vieles zu tun. Kinderwagen besorgen, Kinderbett wieder aufstellen bzw. erstmal den Platz dafuer schaffen und natuerlich muss jetzt ein 7Sitzer nun im Driveway stehen. Aufregend obwohl erfahren mit dem Allem. In der Zwischenzeit habe ich erste aufbauarbeit fuer die Karriere danach geschaffen und meinem Hobby gefroent. Die Macro Photography. Mal schauen was so innerhalb der naechsten Jahre so abfallen kann. Selber habe ich erste gerahmte Prints gekauft und bin mit der Qualitatet sehr sehr zufrieden.

Sonntag, März 03, 2013

Wir haben entschieden

Morgen ist Kugelfisch's Jeburtstag!

Wir haben nun entschieden, nur wissen wir noch nicht was es ist, aber dass es was sein wird. Mit Bestimmtheit etwas anderes und exotisches. Jedenfalls ist mir ein riesen Stein vom Herzen gefallen, da eine solche Entscheidung naturlich ein gewichtige ist. Sie geht naemlich alle an und nicht nur dem Einzelnen.  Mit diesem kurzem Absatz lasse ich euch nun alleine und als bald ich mich wieder erinnern kann werde ich mit einem neuen Post den Absatz fortsetzen.

Samstag, Februar 09, 2013

Foot Art - das Sein

Kreativitaet in der Ausfuehrung (Foot Art). Seit Monaten habe ich nun Objekte fotografiert und in ihren dazugehoerigen Rahmen gefasst. Ein jeder Moment in dem ich mich ihnen widme, scheint Zeit keine Einheit mehr zu sein. Licht, Schatten, Farbe, Form, Bewegung sind die Einheiten die dann gelten. Wenn das nur so auch im normalen gehen koennte, ins besondere im Umfeld des Geld verdienens. Das Reduzieren auf das was wichtig ist und geniessen waehrend etwas geschaffen wird. Folgerichtig geht es weiter daran zu glauben, dass dieses moeglich ist. Das kreativ Geschaffene jedenfalls gibt mir die Zuversicht und erlaubt mir gar an mich zu glauben. Sie sind in ihrer Vielfalt alle schoen und einzigartig!