The morning commute into uncertainty as of what is coming next is a scary but refreshing experience! It allows to let go of common doing and accept that you do not have to be in control. While listening to music, the Pacific to the right and the glooming sunrise warming my face, I have a lot of time to think about things. Accepting though the new new is an obstacle which still needs to be fully conquered. The older you get, the more you have burned a certain theme into yourself. Knowing what will come is a curse especially when you want to let go and experience the “wow” factor of the unexpected. I have been growing up in an environment which was not allows the easiest and for sure I have not made it easier by far. I had to adapt and define myself early. I have been criticized to have bonded to characters which where not of value to me, this though is not true as of one of the resulting, I have four children which I deeply love and now by age, experience their own path while have INC their own children. All what I have done was within a certain frame work. The path I needed to go to achieve what I had to achieve. Yes, it was clear that the one or other path will never be sustainable but that they would be a path of definition as where it should go next. As another I have been in the dark and shady and it brought me the experience of that pain is half as bad if it happens for a reason. I know that I am still steering in the right direction and that I am surrounded by a supporting wife and three younger children. Therefore the question where the path shall end wants to be answered or in contrary an unexpected “wow” shall take over. Yes, this is the the real question and my thoughts are currently surrounded by it. I have dedicated myself to the other persons following me since I was legally enabled to drink beer, have worked my butt off to make some kind of career with the fear of not getting caught in the “Peters Principle”. Getting caught in the situation in which I would not have the appropriate answer to the questions. I never wanted to be rich with money but rich with experience. I never wanted to be a Genius but still be able to answer with a certain experienced logic and when wrong acknowledge that I just got a new view. What shall come next? I know what I want, but I still do not know how long it will take to overcome the inherent control freak in me to do these things as [disclaimer] I still have to work for money to support my family.
I need to work more for world peace! I promised myself that my kids shall never witness war and I failed miserably.
I need to learn to accept love!
I need to accept that I am an artist and being an engineer is just a cover-up!